Given time constraints, I am going to try and give a rundown of the lines for each of our fantasy matchups with a little bit of insight every week. The insight will vary depending on how bored, tired and/or hungover I am while compiling the post.
Schaffer vs. JC (-6)
The East Union Emus (Schaffer) were originally six point favorites but, after some impeccable roster moves by the manager of The Blue Gators (JC), the line slid twelve points. The key in this matchup is Peyton Manning. After cheering Peyton on for many years, JC and The Blue Gators will now view him as the opposition, standing in their way of Babb Bowl glory.
"Everyone keeps telling me Michael "The Burner" Turner is going to get hurt. That ignited the inner hipster in me to draft him for nostalgia's sake. He's like an old vinyl record that you find in the used section of your local record store. A little weathered over the years, overlooked and undervalued but, when you put him on that turntable, he keeps burnin' and turnin' into the endzone." - JCOver/Under: Burner Turner touchdowns this season - 10.5
Wolf vs. Blazar (-9)
Wolf is trying to be the Cincinnati Bengals of the Babb Bowl. In week 1, two of his players are out due to suspension. On top of that, Darren Sproles is questionable. On top of all that, he has Beanie Wells on his team. Beanie should be required to wear a scarlet "P" on his jersey considering he is on the injury report approximately 99% of the time.
Over/Under: Games Beanie Wells starts - 6.5
Barnes vs. Joel (-4)
The only thing that managed to stop Patrick Swayze in 57 years was a stupid pancreas with a little bit of cancer. In this matchup, Team Barnes is the stupid pancreas and The Swayze Bombs are going to cancer the shit out of them. I think a four point spread was very generous.
Over/Under: Weeks Barnes is dumb - infinity minus .5
Andy vs. Shane (-24)
This is the first season that ESPN fantasy football has dealt with Randy Jamison Mall K. Hee. I don't think they fully understand how little he will pay attention to this league. Even though Aaron Rodgers is really good, he won't be able to put up 50 points when he is still starting on his bye week. And even though AP probably won't play for Minnesota in Week 1, you can guarantee he will start for Team Randy.
Over/Under: Weeks Andy sets his lineup - 3.5
Don vs. Petrello (-30)
This is the definition of your classic "trap" game. I don't know what it is but I have a weird feeling Don is going to pull this one out, especially with Sebastian Janikowski currently questionable.
Over/Under: Don's underdog victories - 5.5
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